I was asked this week about false accusations and why do the accusers persist, when they know it is a lie.
I have found that people often accuse you of what they are doing, which is extremely frustrating. (You first have to honestly ask yourself if there is any substance to their accusations, if there isn’t you need to acknowledge their deception.)
It is easy to get stuck on the why question – why are they doing this? Why are they attacking me?
If someone wants to act out their internal frustrations, or is striving to control something or someone, they will just throw a heap of non-substantial accusations around.
You did ………………. that caused me …………………….. or the classic because of you I have to ……………………………………
Some seek to ignite frustration in another to create an argument, so they can vent out their internal pressure. They want a battle.
(Ask yourself, if their accusations of you expose what they are doing? People reveal a lot about themselves in false accusations. This would be extremely familiar to anyone who has dealt or lived with a narcissist.)
The answer to the why question varies, it could be because:
• They believe they are entitled to treat you with disrespect.
• They desire to undermine your sense of self and confidence.
• They want to feel superior so they justify their obnoxious behaviour while lying to themselves and you were convenient or someone they wanted to compete against.
• They refuse to acknowledge themselves and seek to blame another for how they internally feel.
• They have a hidden agenda of wanting to confuse you to make you more pliable to their manipulation.
• They are by-passing an opportunity to deal with their own unresolved emotions, and instead are creating a competition to see if their control, indifference and judgement can withstand and override any truth.
• They want to use what is important to you (integrity, kindness, honesty) twist it into an accusation of the opposite, to ensure you are hurt; to distract you from the reality of who they are or what they are willing to do to get their own way.
• They are looking for an argument, wanting to lash out whatever is unresolved within themselves, but they don’t want to acknowledge their own emotions, so an argument (even over nothing) gives them an arena to lash out in. Falsely accusing someone is the quickest way to start an argument. They deceptively use the argument to justify their emotions.
Most people eventually work out why they were falsely accused; truth has a funny way of revealing itself.