Enhance Emotional Well-being: A Trauma Recovery Toolkit

7min read.

Enhance Your Emotional Well-being: A Trauma Recovery Toolkit

Embarking on the journey of trauma recovery, especially from experiences of betrayal, narcissistic abuse, and childhood abuse, can be an arduous path. However, it’s essential to approach this healing journey from a place of nurturing, acknowledging the profound struggle that accompanies it.

As you walk your path though life you decide if you are going to enhance your emotional well-being. You’ll need to build your recovery toolkit as you go and improving emotional well-being should be a priority. As you discover more about yourself and truly understand the emotional, mental, and physical effects your emotional trauma has created, remember that you are an ever-evolving soul and the key to your own transformation.

lady walking with a backpack into the unknown of her emotions represented by a red forest. Spiritual podcaster Lorraine Nilon and Self-help author with quote about improving your emotional well-being

Enhance Emotional Well-being with Self-Reflection!

We all must explore the importance of facing our suppressed emotions, self-opposing beliefs, and trust that there is a purpose to this process. If we don’t, we get lost in the victimhood of our pain and become disillusioned by others’ indifference to our struggles.

The courage to face our emotions is never easily found because we condition ourselves to hide what we don’t understand; most of us don’t understand our own trauma. Improving emotional well-being starts with self-honesty and it will enhance emotional well-being once we accept the truth of our recovery being a journey! 

It is difficult to value ourselves and build a library of personal insights when we feel demoralized, unsupported, and unsafe. This is why it is important to seek help—a process that enables us to build the self-reflective skills required to come to peace with what we have experienced and the emotional scars we carry.

lady in emotional despair with hand on her forehead background the emotional forest - red trees with distance light in beckoning her to make a move so she can improve emotional well-being. Spiritual self-hep author and podcaster Lorraine Nilon

Improve Emotional Well-Being with Self-Honesty!

The road to healing begins with a courageous choice: the choice to be honest with ourselves. Yet, this simple act is often one of the most challenging. It demands the strength to challenge the familiar and trust ourselves enough to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be. That’s the journey, and we can’t just talk about it; we must live the healing adventure.

Be prepared for the ups and the downs while knowing we are heading to emotional freedom.

Improving emotional well-being is not suppression with a dose of amnesia. It is emotional maturity! When our memories do arise, because they will, we are not triggered to the point of being traumatized again. Instead, we manage our reaction with self-care and respect for what has occurred. We use what we have learned about ourselves since the emotional trauma. To do this, we must do the inner work, become self-aware so we can enhance emotional well-being.

Being self-reflective is the tool that enables us to do the work, build self-understanding, and become resilient. Resilience comes from dealing with our past so that is no longer carried as a soul burden!

Dealing with what burden you becomes the path to enhance emotional well-being. Once understood, you’ll never choose to reside within the pain of your trauma but it is a journey through it not around it.

When we suppress our freewill and abandon our freedom of choice, we inevitably experience inner conflict. This occurs when our unresolved emotions control us. They control us when we don’t understand the truth of what we feel, believe, and fear.

The internal turmoil leads to attempts at self-control, where we try to control ourselves to perform an image that pacifies our fear of our own emotional turbulence and to uphold an illusion that we have got ourselves and life under our control. But images are never sustainable, so when we begin to face image failure, illusions burst, and we fear being caught in the vulnerability of exposure.

Upholding an image of well-being never leads to improving emotional well-being!

lady with backpack walking into red forest -ready to face what will help with improving emotional well-being

Enhance Emotional Well-Being Tool Kit!

Our fear causes us to justify every action we use that is really an attempt to pacify your emotions. We become addicted to our avoidance of ourselves and begin to lie and blame others for what we cannot hide from ourselves. We become cyclic pattern creators and form emotional merry-go-rounds that plague our existence.

Recovery starts with a choice, and knowing that we are the ones making the greatest decisions in life is a major tool in the toolkit of recovery. Life can throw the unexpected, people can be hurtful and vicious, BUT we choose for ourselves how we feel about ourselves.

When we know we are worth the commitment to honestly deal with our emotional landscape, we empower ourselves, enhance emotional well-being and begin to acknowledge we are the purpose in our own lives. Our evolution is divine purpose.

Be reflective on the following points, contemplate their importance:

Embracing the Power of Choice:

It is starts with a choice to enhance emotional well-being and it is an important choice! YES we need to choose to apply effort to improving emotional well-being and choice can serve as an empowering stepping-stone on your healing journey.

Recognize that your choices have the potential to shape your recovery and personal growth.

Rejecting the significance of choice, on the other hand, leaves you doubting and mistrusting yourself. It hinders your progress and keeps you trapped in a cycle of emotional turmoil.

You have the freedom to choose how you respond to your experiences and to acknowledge the lessons they offer. Your reactions to life’s challenges become pivotal points in your growth and recovery.

Take Responsibility for Your Own Recovery:

You are responsible for your recovery, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. While others may have caused your pain, it’s your responsibility to heal. This isn’t a punishment but a recognition of your worth.

Enhance emotional well-being by taking the responsibility to find what we aid your healing process.

Accept Yourself:

Accepting yourself begins with a decision to honor your worth, even when others don’t.

Understand that self-acceptance is a process, and it’s okay to seek a better understanding of yourself. Compassion for yourself is the antidote to self-judgment.

Acknowledge Reality:
In a world dominated by curated images and virtual connections, it’s vital to acknowledge the importance of reality. Being present and engaged in your own life and with others can help you reconnect with your humanity.

Trust your instincts and rely on facts over judgments.

Celebrate Achievements:
Don’t wait for major accomplishments to celebrate your existence. Find joy in the small things, like smiling or laughter.

Recognize that the journey itself is valuable, and negative beliefs should not hold you back from celebrating your soul’s journey.

Building your emotional well-being is a journey that requires courage, self-compassion, and a commitment to facing your emotions. Remember that you are not alone on this path, and you have the power to choose how you respond to your experiences. By taking responsibility for your recovery, accepting yourself, acknowledging reality, and celebrating the small victories, you can begin the transformative process of healing from trauma and building your emotional well-being. Your journey is unique, significant, and worthy of celebration at every step.



Improving your emotional well-being is a journey that requires courage, self-compassion, and a commitment to facing your emotions. Remember that you are not alone on this path, and you have the power to choose how you respond to your experiences.

By taking responsibility for your recovery, accepting yourself, acknowledging reality, and celebrating the small victories, you can begin the transformative process of healing from trauma and enhance your emotional well-being. Your journey is unique, significant, and worthy of celebration at every step.


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Personal Reflection About Improving Emotional Well-Being:

As we navigate the intricate landscape of emotional trauma recovery, it’s important for each of us to recognize the uniqueness of our journeys. In my own pursuit of healing and growth, I’ve come to understand that acknowledging the pain and embracing the path to recovery is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor.

There have been moments when the weight of my own experiences felt insurmountable, and the choice to confront those buried emotions seemed daunting. Yet, with each step forward, I discovered the transformative power of self-reflection and the importance of honoring my choices in the healing process.

It’s essential to recognize that the journey is not linear; it involves peaks and valleys, moments of clarity, and times when the road ahead seems shrouded in uncertainty. The courage to face our emotions, coupled with the acceptance of responsibility for our own recovery, forms the bedrock of our resilience.

Through the ups and downs, the commitment to self-acceptance has been my guiding light. Compassion for oneself in the face of adversity serves as a powerful tool, helping to dispel the shadows of self-judgment and fostering an environment of understanding.

In the realm of emotional freedom, I’ve experienced the profound shift from suppression to maturity, where memories no longer trigger retraumatization. Instead, they become opportunities for self-care, reflection, and personal growth.

If you are embarking on this journey, let’s celebrate the victories—both big and small. The journey itself, with its twists and turns, is a testament to our strength and resilience.

Each moment of acknowledgment, each choice to face reality, and every step towards self-acceptance contributes to the beautiful tapestry of our emotional well-being.

May this reflection inspire you to embrace your unique path, recognizing the significance of your choices, and celebrating the ongoing evolution that defines your personal journey of healing. You are not alone, and your story is an integral part of the broader narrative of triumph over adversity.

spiritual Podcast with People listening with different emotional reactions

Navigating Emotional Trauma from Gaslighting: Gaslighting Recovery Process Tips!

5min read.

Four Essential Steps for Gaslighting Recovery Process!

Navigating Emotional Trauma from Gaslighting starts with knowledge!

Embarking on the journey to emotional liberation after enduring the emotional trauma from gaslighting can be daunting, yet accepting the reality of the gaslighter makes the process more digestible. The following is designed to simplify and give you a path to clarity about how the emotional traumatizing effects of gaslighting.

Taking the gaslighter’s words personally renders you susceptible to their insidious tactics. So seeing them for who they are is a source of emotional liberation.

Exploring the challenging terrain of emotional trauma induced by gaslighting involves examining our reactions and understanding why we valued the gaslighter over our own perception.


The path to recovery demands a fresh perspective, free from self-beratement for moments of naivety and audacity to hope for change during the suffocating inner silence imposed by the gaslighters.

Navigating the aftermath of emotional trauma from gaslighting, it is also beneficial to acknowledge anyone who has suffered the psychological battlefield of gaslighting leaves with profound emotional scars. It can also becomes a transformative odyssey for many. Gaslighting, a cunning strategy to confuse and silence truth-bearers, and involves refusing to acknowledge undeniable evidence.

Emotional trauma from Gaslighting - Image a lady represented by the phoenix wings healing and an lady surrounded by broken glass representing the effects of gaslighting.

Long-term gaslighting leaves a wake of emotional despair!

Unlike a liar who might yield to truth, a gaslighter remains resolute, fixated on creating chaos and asserting control. They effortlessly twist words, turning opposition into a stance they adamantly defend, blaming you for attempting to untangle their web of deception.

The spectrum of gaslighting ranges from covert to blatant, often starting with subtle pot shots and insidious judgment. Questioning their tone or motives triggers a retreat to their self-proclaimed victimhood, accusing you of falsely attributing ill intentions.

Gaslighters thrive on control and superiority, viewing life as an eternal competition. Dr. Ramani categorizes them into archetypes like the ‘outright denier’ or the ‘trifler,’ both instilling self-doubt and questioning your worth.

The outright denier employs every manipulation tactic in their arsenal to coerce you into submission. On the other hand, the trifler downplays everything, dismissing your concerns as trivial, even after vehemently arguing their initial point.

Observing attempts to undermine your reality prompts existential questions about your worth and whether disrespect is deserved. Recognizing this disrespect unveils their desire to insult intelligence, manipulate, and demand subservience—elements incongruent with healthy relationships.

To counter gaslighting, a powerful weapon is the capacity to observe objectively without succumbing to your fears or insecurities.

Becoming their worst nightmare involves scrutinizing their behavior without providing the satisfaction derived from defensive reactions. Accusations are their playground; they relish changing tones, feigning hurt, concealing a smirk that often reveals their true intentions.

The more control or cornered they feel, the more fixated they become on winning. Gaslighters engage in perpetual competition, believing victory is achieved when you surrender truth and submit to their distorted perception.

Gaslighting, a psychological strategy for power and control, which leaves victims questioning their reality. A crucial weapon in countering manipulation is the willingness to observe behavior while recognizing underlying motives.

Gaslighting - A broken shattered heart in background with a lady crying in the foreground. Emotional trauma from gaslighting.

The emotional trauma from gaslighting should never be underestimated!

Understanding Emotional Trauma from Gaslighting:

Gaslighting, a sinister dance of manipulation and psychological warfare, leaves behind a wake of emotional wreckage. Recognizing the profound emotional trauma inflicted by gaslighting marks the crucial first step. It’s vital to acknowledge this trauma without allowing it to define your worth.


Self-Gaslighting and the Abyss of Self-Judgment:

Unraveling the layers of self-gaslighting emerges as a natural progression in healing from emotional trauma caused by gaslighting. Acknowledging our motives for past compliance exposes unresolved aspects within, providing a pathway for self-discovery and recovery.

Emotional trauma from gaslighting can plunge individuals into an abyss of self-judgment. In the aftermath, echoes of negative self-assessment reverberate. This is a moment for self-compassion. Reflect on your intentions in the relationship and grant yourself grace upon realizing the gaslighter had different motives.

The journey to healing requires understanding and compassion toward oneself, rejecting confinement by self-imposed judgments.


Assertive Self-Communication – Reclaiming Power:

Those who gaslight relentlessly seeks to strip away individual agency, leaving behind emotional wreckage. Reclaiming power begins with assertive self-communication. When doubt creeps in, quietly assess the facts.

Become a poignant reminder that mistreatment is not acceptable. Make a self- agreement that succumbing to manipulative tactics is off the table. Know your strategy!

You might choose to agree to conclude an argument, but acknowledge it as a tactic to cease the mind-bending deception imposed upon you, without genuinely aligning with it.

Gaslighters don’t respect truth, so engaging in a fight for your truth to be heard becomes futile.



Permission for Self-Awareness – A Radical Act of Defiance:

Granting oneself permission to acknowledge the truth about the gaslighter, even if it means losing respect for them, is a radical act of defiance. It is far better to align with the truth than to contort yourself in knots attempting to appease those who disregard it.

Emotional Trauma from Gaslighting - Image a lady represented by the phoenix wings healing .

Gaslighting Recovery Process – Four Essential Steps:


Embarking on the journey to recovery demands a roadmap infused with compassion. Any gaslighting recover process is complicated because we don’t want to believe those we love can be the same ones that have emotionally traumatized us.

Here are four essential steps drawn from popular and effective gaslighting recovery processes:


  1. Educate Yourself:

   Knowledge becomes a powerful ally in the battle against gaslighting. Understanding the intricate mechanisms and tactics arms individuals with the ability to identify and counteract its effects.


  1. Seek Professional Support:

Healing often requires the compassionate guidance of professionals well-versed in trauma and recovery. Consider reaching out to experts who provide a safe space for you to explore, express, and embark on the journey of healing.


  1. Establish Boundaries:

 Building boundaries becomes not just a necessity but an act of self-love. Clearly defining what is acceptable and what is not creates a protective shield against future gaslighting attempts. While change may not be apparent in others, you’ll witness transformative shifts in your reactions and responses.


  1. Self-Compassion and Self-Care:

Cultivating a compassionate relationship with oneself forms the bedrock of recovery. Engaging in self-care practices nurtures resilience, fostering the strength needed for the journey ahead. If feelings of isolation persist, consider joining groups aligned with your interests – be it exercise, book clubs, or any community that resonates with you and surrounds you with respectful individuals.


In the aftermath of emotional trauma from gaslighting, healing emerges as a beacon of hope. It is a journey and nurture yourself through it. Gaslighting recovery process is marked by understanding emotional trauma, self-assertion, and embracing self-awareness, culminates in empowerment. It’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of self-validation.


Consider scheduling a session with Lorraine Nilon to explore the unique healing opportunities tailored to your journey. Embark on this odyssey of healing, where emotional trauma transforms into strength, and self-validation becomes the guiding star. Your recovery is not just a destination but a profound metamorphosis, reclaiming the narrative of your own story.

Session with Lorraine Helps you understand the gaslighting recovery process!

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Spiritual explorer podcast cover- What is gaslighting, and how to deal with it. Photo of Lorraine Nilon

Empower Yourself! What is Gaslighting and How to deal with it!

7 Profound Benefits of Exploring Past Lives for Personal Growth!

10 minute read…

Benefits Of Exploring Past Lives for Personal Growth!

Embarking on a journey into the depths of your soul is a fascinating experience.

Have you ever found yourself pondering the mysteries of your lives?

Wondered about the essence of your existence?

Exploring past lives for personal growth is an intriguing pursuit; however, it’s crucial to remember the significance of the present life.

When we explore past lives we gain awareness of your behavioural patterns from a distance, bringing insights from your soul’s past into the present. At times this makes it easier to truly understand what is happening currently.

Past lives exploration can encourage us to examine aspects of ourselves that we often choose to overlook.

However, I’ve observed many individuals using their interest in past life exploration as a way to avoid taking responsibility for their contributions to their life experiences.

When we explore past lives it is meant to inform and guide us, emphasizing the importance of soul accountability rather than evading self-responsibility.

If you explore past lives, the information should provide insight into your reactions, decision-making, and the dynamics that attract you to specific relationships.

A lady standing in a vortex and ancient clock behind her - 7 Benefits of Exploring Past Lives for Personal Growth- with a spiritual mentor Lorraine Nilon

7 Benefits of Exploring Past Lives for personal Growth!

Personal Reflection: During a session with a client facing emotional challenges, I identified a past life where they had endured horrific long-term abuse. To be honest, most of us have experienced forms of abuse, such as hangings, burning at the stake, or slavery.

In an unexpected response, the client eagerly proclaimed, “I’ve always known I was a victim!” as they sought to affirm a newfound sense of entitlement to justify their self-abusive victimhood.

They used the past life reading as confirmation that this proved their belief they had always been a victim, and had no input into what had been creating the emotional challenges they’d faced. I explained that this wasn’t the case; “its one life and you have experienced many.”

Instead of acknowledging that life and the journey of souls is a complex array of experiences they fixated on their victimhood.

They developed a co-dependency on proving that their soul had been victimized in every life, using this belief to reinforce a sense of victimhood entitlement.

They manipulated others, disguising their actions through a sense of reactive victimhood, which became the root cause of numerous emotional upheavals. Unfortunately, they believed it was justified and they were not responsible for acting out because of all the stored victimisation the client believed they’d endured rendered them a victim to their soul history.

I tried to explain what needed resolving was the attitude toward their victimhood entitlement.

A year later this person returned for another session, demanding I reveal another past life. They complained about the money they spent attending numerous sessions with others providing similar services. They had been on the chase, addicted to gathering information about past lives.

Of cause every life they recounted has them victimised, many felt authentic to me, some I debate.

Roman Solider with sword pointing at modern lady - Explore past lives with a spiritual mentor Lorraine Nilon

We discussed the emotional motive of the demands and the compulsion that had developed. I explained that I allow past lives to reveal themselves; I don’t usually chase them. I read them easily when relevant to current situations, otherwise I don’t get a lot of details, more an overview.

A past life did reveal itself, but, interestingly, this time the person was a vindictive abuser and victimised many; contradicting the narrative they were trying to establish.

I explained that our soul has experienced lives in various cultures, held different authority positions, and we have had to navigate societal expectations and the ways of the era we are born too.

It was revealed that in this past authoritarian position, they had abused power and mistreated hordes of vulnerable individuals.

Contrast is a fundamental aspect of our learning, and understanding we’ve all experienced diverse types of lives. Some of these lives still influence us and underscore the significance of choice, integrity, and compassion.

This information presented an opportunity for the client to be honest about what they were protecting – their identity as a victim. Victimhood had become both an identity and a manipulative tool.

Despite experiencing terrible childhood abuse, using it as justification for emotionally abusing others only resulted in creating more victims.

They were confronted with the internal reality of their relationship with victimhood, realizing that in circumstances conducive to their control, they were prone to being abusive. Even today the client was seeking to justify their emotionally abusive behaviour instead of addressing the root cause motivating them.

Their current desire to explore past lives, was revealing the co-dependency on victimhood and the sense of entitlement to use it to control others.

Now, they are presented with an opportunity to address the beliefs, fears, and unresolved emotions that have sustained this potentially long-held behavioural pattern. This brings us back to the power of choice! The purpose of past lives exploration is to inform us so at the crossroads of choice we can make informed decisions.

Two lots of stairs heading in different direction and lady in past life vortex.


Past lives fascinate those who have a deep feeling of having been here before. For me, it is a given! When you connect with your soul, you sense the history it carries. You may not recall specific details, but there is an awareness of having lived many lives.

Personally, past lives provide context to the hows and whys of some unexplained feelings. In the past, I’ve used this understanding to gain insights into current events and to reassure myself that my soul journey is more profound than initially perceived.


Exploring past lives for personal growth can be a transformational journey if you use the information wisely!


Understanding Past Life Regression:


What exactly is past life regression?

Past life regression is akin to taking a stroll down memory lane, though not reminiscing about childhood memories. It involves delving into the depths of your soul, uncovering events and long held beliefs, fears and desires from the history of your soul.

It’s akin to time-traveling through the developmental history of your soul and humanity. Trust me, the insights can be mind-blowing, requiring you to use all your senses.

Some experience it as looking through a blurry glass, while others describe it as a mini-series sensed through feelings. For some, it involves seeing images, smelling scents, and hearing sounds hidden in deep memory.

Many find the experience so immersive that they relive emotional reactions and deep-seated feelings, while others may have rapid-fire images that require their other senses to slow down the process.

The exploration of past lives for personal growth is tapping into your soul knowing and you’ll feel the authenticity of it as it resonance with you!

You don’t have to be a die-hard spiritual guru to explore past lives. It’s for anyone who’s curious, open-minded, and ready for a bit of soul-searching. Consider it a personal journey—a way to connect the dots and make sense of your unique life (soul) story.


7 Benefits of Exploring Past Lives:


Past lives exploration significantly impacts our self-perception and can greatly benefit individuals. It’s important to remember that what we uncover is just a snapshot, and lifetimes are complex.

As mentioned, I’ve also witnessed past life addiction, where individuals use the pursuit to justify their actions and avoid self-responsibility. Some chase past life information to ignore the choices that created in their current life situations, preferring to see themselves as victims of history repeating.

Unlocking the past reveals why we made certain choices, but it doesn’t make us victims, but it does reveal our inner influences.

We’re on a journey of self-discovery, and events unfold to help us recognize patterns. Past life awareness assists in this process, with the goal of taking responsibility for our soul journey and potential evolution.

Ignoring the opportunity and benefits of exploring past lives creates a disconnect, potentially increasing co-dependency on others due to perceived entitlement based on soul history.

It’s essential to be mindful that past life awareness should not sustain harmful beliefs or encourage spiritual bypassing.

Despite these cautions, exploring past lives offers profound benefits for personal growth, emotional well-being, and spiritual development. Here are some major advantages:


  1. Healing Unresolved Traumas:

Exploration of past lives serves as a tool to unearth and heal unresolved traumas that originated in previous lifetimes and still impact us today.

Understanding an initial event empowers us to address the root causes of current emotional wounds. The historical distance allows our over-zealous protection mechanisms to subside, and our willingness to explore steps forward.

Unlocking deep memories is particularly helpful for those experiencing unexplained emotional reactions and attractions. Individuals may experience profound realizations after recognizing their emotional patterns, leading to self-honesty, healing, and relief. This presents a self-discovery opportunity, offering liberation from emotional baggage and improving mental and emotional well-being in current lives.


  1. Personal Growth and Self-Discovery:

When we explore past lives it is a potent method for personal growth.

I’ve observed that past lives are often revealed when we’re at a crossroad of choice.

Are we going to repeat past patterns, or venture into the unknown?

Understanding the patterns, choices, and challenges from past lives provides insights into our current personalities. Some of the personality traits developed for survival in past lives may now be holding us back.

When we explore past lives it offers an opportunity to reevaluate where we’ve been and acknowledge the lessons learned. Recognising it is time to apply what was already learned but forgotten is empowering – if we choose it to be.

This presents a personal growth opportunity, fostering increased self-awareness and a deeper understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses, leading to personal development and a more authentic sense of self.


  1. Insights into Current Life Challenges:

Interpreting past lives offers valuable insights into recurring themes and challenges in our present lives. It alleviates panic and fear, as we realize we’ve faced extreme challenges before.

Past lives exploration shifts our perception of life and our immortal existence. This awareness empowers individuals to break free from negative patterns and make more soulfully informed choices.

It motivates us to strive for better because we’ve already paid the price of admission, having done the reconnaissance. This enhances self-resilience, improving problem-solving skills, decision-making, and a sense of empowerment in facing current life challenges.


  1. Strengthening Spiritual Connection:

Viewed as a means to deepen one’s spiritual connection, past life exploration involves tapping into the soul’s journey across lifetimes. This may involve discovering soul contracts, understanding life purposes, and connecting with higher aspects of the self.

Spirituality is about ‘knowing thyself,’ and our past lives can be a part of this self-discovery journey. This offers a spiritual growth opportunity, fostering heightened spiritual awareness, a sense of purpose, and a feeling of interconnectedness with the universe.


  1. Releasing Fears and Phobias:

Past life regression is effective for addressing and releasing irrational fears and phobias that have no apparent cause in the current life.

Personal Reflection: I had a client whose eight-year-old child would panic around cars in carparks. The child would put their back against any wall and side-step as if they were walking on a ledge from great heights.

This behavior started suddenly, and no one could explain why!

Crossing a road often led to detours to distant traffic lights even when no cars were visible.

It was discovered that in a past life, the child had died at eight years old from a vehicle accident. The past life was discussed, but the child didn’t change their behavior until their ninth birthday, and then instantly, the behavior changed. (Fascinating!)

Acknowledging the root cause of a phobia presents a self-awareness opportunity, allowing individuals to experience relief from unexplained fears and fostering a more liberated and fearless approach to life.


  1. Improved Relationships:

Past lives exploration for self-personal sheds light on the dynamics of relationships and connections with others. Understanding the shared history with certain individuals may lead to improved communication and stronger bonds.

Past lives can illuminate the structures of previous relationships to explain current behaviors and attitudes. Patterns, even in relationships, tend to repeat.

This presents relationship opportunities, fostering enhanced empathy, compassion, and a greater ability to navigate relationships with a deeper understanding of shared histories.


  1. Overcoming Blockages and Limiting Beliefs:

Exploring past lives can unveil the origins of current blockages and limiting beliefs, allowing individuals to address and overcome them. This self-discovery can lead to a more empowered and fulfilling life.

Personal Reflection: I had a client who struggled with fear of humiliation. Despite significant achievements, they feared accolades and lived in constant fear of major attention. This caused them to sabotage themselves if the achievements were getting noticed.

Through past life exploration, it was revealed that in a previous life, they had been falsely accused of a crime they didn’t commit, leading to unjust punishment.

This experience had created deep-seated trust issues and fear of judgment. Understanding the origin allowed the client to work through these issues and overcome their fear of judgement.

Identifying and addressing the roots of blockages and self-limiting beliefs presents us with a self-empowerment opportunity, allowing individuals for a more empowered and fulfilling life.


In Conclusion:


Past lives exploration is a profound journey that offers opportunities for healing, growth, and self-discovery.

While it can provide valuable insights and benefits, it’s crucial to approach it with a balanced perspective, avoiding the pitfalls of past life addiction and spiritual bypassing.

The key lies in using past life awareness as a tool for self-responsibility, acknowledging the choices made in past lives, and applying those lessons to the present. It’s not about victimhood; it’s about soul accountability.

Through past life exploration, individuals can release unresolved traumas, foster personal growth, gain insights into current life challenges, strengthen their spiritual connection, overcome fears and phobias, improve relationships, and address blockages and limiting beliefs.

It’s a transformative journey that, when approached with mindfulness, can lead to a more liberated, empowered, and fulfilling life.


Spiritual teacher is a way to discovery best version of yourself- Lorraine Nilon with compass surrounded by light in background.

Follow your Curiosity!

This Blog was inspired by Spiritual Explorer Podcast -Episode 70!



Information about this Episode 

Spiritual podcast host Lorraine Nilon and Pieter Elsen-past lives author Ep70- Exploring Past Lives for self-discovery



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Healing After Narcissism, Surviving Narcissism, and How to Be Self-Validating.

10 min read.

Healing after narcissism seems overwhelming, and validating our feelings is a starting point!

Life is a complex journey filled with unexpected twists, challenging relationships, and transformative moments. For those of us who have survived narcissism or had our fair share of life storms, we know the intensity of the emotions we’ve suppressed in the hope that our sacrifice will lead to a harmonious future.

There are not many who, in hindsight, will still defend the action of grin and bear it!

Navigating through life-changing events is hard enough without having to survive another’s narcissism. Many dread the realization that another is treating them so obnoxiously and attempt to disregard the impact narcissism is having on their emotional well-being.

All those who have lived, worked, and even attempted to be friends with a narcissist know once the realization that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist has occurred – there is no dimmer switch.
Narcissists leave their prey grappling with a whirlwind of emotions: we gave grace; they gave us contemptuous criticism. We created excuses; they kept pushing our boundaries until they were non-existent, leaving us bewildered.

When we realize that there is intention behind their obnoxiousness, the crashing weight of regret, humiliation, and sorrow becomes a shame we carry.

When this realization is no longer pushed aside, it is important to validate our own feelings, acknowledge the narcissist’s intent, and seek validation from supportive others.

Support during this time becomes not just relevant but crucial for our emotional well-being. The support should never come with demands; it should be a safe place for them to unravel the reality of healing after narcissism, even if they’re trapped in the relationship.

broken heart surrounded by black heart; photo of Lorraine Nilon with quote: each person's story is unique and the challenges differ! Healing from narcissism or surviving narcissism is complex!

Healing after narcissism requires honest self-reflection and support!

Understanding the Power of Validation:

In the midst of life’s emotional storms and the realization of reality, the simple act of acknowledging and validating our emotions can be a beacon fire. One that reminds us of our worth, steering us in the direction of nurturing and protecting ourselves.

Validating ourselves is like finding a safe harbor in the midst of a tempest, a space where we are allowed to feel and express without judgment.

Validation is not about agreeing with our emotions but recognizing their existence. This enables us to understand they’re an indicator beaconing us to acknowledge how we feel and to be honest with ourselves.

Within all emotional storms, there is a moment that requires us to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge the true impact of what we are experiencing on our personal well-being.

In the storm of realization, confusion will cause us to look for the familiar ports, places to hide from reality. The patterns we often detest but are known will begin, and we must acknowledge the choices we are making. If we want different from ourselves, we must respond differently to our emotional reactions.

We’ll attempt to avoid feeling what we believe proves we deserve to suffer. It is a hidden belief buried under sorrow and disappointment and built on misconceptions. But it can be strong and cloud our ability to discern the truth.
We never deserved to suffer, and when another takes pleasure from the power and control of instigating such pain, they exist on the spectrum of narcissism.

mystic image of a lady with lots of emotional thoughts -Lorraine Nilon quote-Validation is not about agreeing with our emotions but recognizing their existence.

Surviving Narcissism and Gaslighting!

Personal Reflection:

I vividly recall a period in my life when I was faced with the realization that someone close to me was not healthy for me. Every time I’d try to explain my emotions, I was met with disparaging remarks and the gaslight jive choreographed by a champion.

The next day I’d find myself being lectured to, as they reiterated my words as their own. Accusing me of what I’d tried to discuss the day before. It was bizarre that they expected me to ignore the twist of my words. They said them as if they never heard them before!

The frustration was insurmountable because trying to find solutions with someone who only wanted to annihilate my confidence is unachievable.

Self-doubt crept in as they attempted to steer me towards being submissive to their deviant coercion. I doubted my grasp of reality, questioned my motives, and felt guilty for being the source of another’s trauma. Except I wasn’t that was the jive of gaslighting, to make the innocent feel guilty, and to accuse the victim of being the perpetrator!

I was desperately trying to be nice, thoughtful, and compassionate, and it was all used against me!

It was during this time a friend’s simple validation, “I can see you’re going through a tough time, and that’s okay,” became a lifeline. “I can see deception at play, and you’re trying to support them as they take advantage of you!”

That acknowledgment allowed me to embrace the truth of my emotions and take the first steps in stopping my fight against reality and my own awareness.

We try to tell ourselves it’s not that bad; “you’re misreading the situation”, but most of the time we are not. We instinctively know, acknowledging the truth of the other person is going to change the relationship forever, so we attempt to deny reality at our peril.

The validation opens the door to validate myself because not only were they gaslighting me, but I was also gaslighting myself.

This realization enables me to stop and take accountability for myself and not to continue taking full responsibility for another’s behaviour. It was an opportunity to value my freedom to have boundaries.

This acknowledged reality became part of the steps towards healing the deeper wounds that made me susceptible to appeasement for the illusion of peace, respect, and love. An illusion never sustains and once recognized becomes tainted with the ugliness of their narcissistic traits.

Photo of a distressed lady - confused with a background of a lighter with me written on it, You and gaslighting written as well in background. Recovery narcissistic gaslighting

Recovery from gaslighting is possible!


Self-gaslighting is subtle yet powerful. We internalize and perpetuate the very manipulative tactics we have experienced from others.

We distort our own perception of reality, downplay valid emotions, and question the legitimacy of our personal experiences and feelings. It’s a form of self-doubt and self-deception that undermines our confidence and destroys our ability to self-trust.

Past traumas, being raised in toxic relationships, constantly feeling rejected, not good enough, or deflected cause us to try and create safety – even if it is just in our mind – and self-gaslighting becomes our normal.

Self-gaslighting is an internal dialogue that invalidates our feelings or experiences. Unravelling the layers of self-gaslighting requires self-awareness, compassion, and a commitment to breaking free from the patterns that contribute to internal dissonance.

Personal Reflection:
Instead of acknowledging the toxic behaviour around me, I attempted to convince myself that maybe I was not as competent as I thought. The constant undermining started to erode self-confidence, and I found myself questioning my worth.

I had invited the narcissist into my life; I thought I could help them overcome their insecurities. “Look at my arrogance!” I began to find reasons why I was the problem.

I didn’t realize this was self-gaslighting or that I was instinctively trying to generate a sense of safety. “Maybe I am too sensitive, am I overreacting, or I always look for drama in my life? What am I doing to cause people close to me to act this way?” When we self-gaslight instead of addressing the individual event, we start the internal dialogue with the “always, people, never” statements. Self-blame and despair become the go-to!

I felt vulnerable and disrespected and instead of acknowledging this. I went to self-blame and believed it was my job to fix it. I unwittingly became a participant in my own self-gaslighting narrative.

Rather than recognizing the external manipulation for what it was, I increased the blaming of myself. I couldn’t find a solution; therefore, I was to blame. “They can’t help themselves; they’re struggling with their emotions, they don’t realize how hurtful they’re being.” I altered my perception of reality to align with the gaslighter’s version.

I started to internalize every word they said and these incidents gradually had me shell-shocked and doubting my own abilities and worth.

My self-perception was changing and I couldn’t see it; doubt replaced confidence. Breaking free from self-gaslighting involves recognizing these thought patterns, challenging them, and seeking external validation.
I need someone to reassure me that I wasn’t to blame. I needed support to regain clarity.

I needed to voice what had occurred not through the filter of self-blame but with a sense of classifying what had happened. Being honest about it enabled me to recognize my reactions to what had occurred instead of being fixated on just the emotions entwined with the reactions.

Being objective is a crucial step in reclaiming your self-worth and dismantling the internalized narratives that perpetuate self-doubt.

sad lady looking at a stepping stone and the same lady happy- surviving narcissism, gaslighting1- self-help author

Gaslighting destroys our self-confidence and self-validation repairs it!

The Struggle to Validate:

The journey to self-validation is not always smooth. The struggle lies in overcoming self-imposed judgments, societal expectations, and the fear of appearing vulnerable.
Many of us are conditioned to believe that expressing our emotions is a sign of weakness, leading to a constant battle with our inner selves.
We must first be willing to be honest about our feelings and give them a voice, even if it is just to the one in the mirror.
We struggle when we deny our reality! We prolong suffering when we are unable to accept our feelings are communication from within.

For many, the struggle for validation can become an obsession of wanting the narcissists to validate our observations and feelings. But this is not part of the narcissistic jive! Their validation is a manipulative tool and even if given, it is taken back, generally in the next sentence uttered!
The truth will be ignored, invalidated and refuted with the agenda to mock or manipulate us! Accepting this about the narcissist is difficult but essential; “we can’t get blood out of a stone”, and no one gets the truth in its purity from a narcissist.

Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation:

In the realm of emotions, gaslighting is a dark force that undermines our sense of self.
Gaslighters manipulate our reality, making us doubt our own emotions and experiences.
Recognizing these tactics is crucial in maintaining emotional well-being. When doubt creeps in – check facts and acknowledge them as undebatable facts. The narcissist reject reality but we must never align with the deception.

Spotting the Signs:
Gaslighting often starts subtly, with phrases like, “You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive.” These seemingly harmless comments can snowball into a web of self-doubt, making it challenging to trust our own feelings.
Recognize them as rude comments not a personal analysis of you! Then identify the motive behind them; what is the narcissist attempting to avoid.
Don’t try to prove to them what you’re observing; that’s an invitation to ride their merry-go-round of deception. But do validate it to yourself; this will enable you to observe the antics with clear vision.

Building Emotional Resilience:

Developing emotional resilience is akin to fortifying ourselves against life’s storms. It involves acknowledging our vulnerabilities, understanding our emotional triggers, and actively working towards self-acceptance. You no longer need their validation because you seek your own.
You’ll feel the strength of your integrity when you begin to validate yourself. In moments of confusion and despair anchor to a fact they disputed but you have clarity about. This will remind you of their willingness to be deceptive and enables you to devalue their words and actions because they don’t see you, they see prey!

Practical Strategies:

Mindfulness Practices: Engaging in mindfulness activities, such as honest self-reflection, meditation, or journaling, allows yourself to observe your emotions without judgment.
Cultivating Supportive Relationships: Surrounding yourself with individuals who validate your feelings and offer support. This will strengthen your emotional resilience.
Pro-tip: make sure you talk about other things – movies, music, or books – you don’t want to become stuck analysing your history; let life move you forward. Debrief when needed but not as a compulsive habit.
Seeking Professional Guidance: Therapeutic interventions provide a structured space for exploring and validating complex emotions. You may need an impartial umpire, so your unresolved emotions don’t take your steering wheel.

Personal Reflection:
During any challenging phase, I turned to the power of self-reflection, and learning how to be honest with yourself is easier said and done. It was through moments of self-reflection that I realized the power of validating my own experiences.
The skill of being self-reflective and the opportunity to have honest conversations – debriefing with someone trustworthy – became pillars of my emotional resilience, helping me weather subsequent storms with newfound strength.

Relationships and Validation:

In the intricate dance of relationships, validation becomes the melody that harmonizes our connections. Whether in friendships, family bonds, or romantic relationships, acknowledging each other’s emotions fosters a sense of security and strengthens the foundation of trust.
The jive of narcissism and gaslighting destroys trust but never allows it to remain the block to self-trust and your ability to dance with another.

The Dance of Validation:

Active Listening: Taking the time to truly listen to our loved ones without judgment creates a space for mutual validation.
Expressing Gratitude: Simple expressions of gratitude for the support and understanding shared during challenging times strengthen the bond between individuals. Value the bond with those you are grateful for!
Validating Differences: Embracing the uniqueness of each person’s emotional experience. Acceptance of our uniqueness and never compare your life with another.

Surviving Narcissism, Gaslighting, and Validating Our Awareness, Feelings, and Worth:

Surviving narcissism and gaslighting is a unique challenge that requires a deep commitment to self-awareness and emotional validation.

Narcissists often thrive on invalidating the emotions and worth of those around them, leaving a trail of confusion and self-doubt.

Healing after narcissism takes time and effort, but you are worth it!

Empowering Ourselves:

Recognizing Narcissistic Behaviour: Understanding the traits of narcissism is the first step toward protecting our emotional well-being.

Constant criticism, projection of insecurities, and a lack of empathy are telltale signs.

Validating Our Feelings

Self-Awareness: Trusting our gut feelings and acknowledging the impact of narcissistic behaviour on our emotions is crucial.

Self-awareness becomes our shield against manipulation.

Affirming Our Worth: In the face of constant invalidation, affirming our self-worth becomes an act of defiance. Seeking validation from within and surrounding ourselves with a support system that understands our journey is paramount.

Personal Reflection:

Having encountered narcissistic behaviour and gaslighting in close relationships, I learned the hard way that self-validation is a powerful tool against manipulation.
Recognizing the signs allowed me to protect my emotional well-being and disengage from toxic relationships.
Affirming my worth became a daily practice, reinforcing the understanding that my emotions and experiences are valid.
Most people who haven’t experienced long-term narcissism think the answers to the challenges are easy. Leave them, get away from them, get a new job, but that’s not always the case; some are family members, part of our financial security, believed inescapable.
Each person’s story is unique, and the challenges may differ, but the reality is healing or surviving narcissism is complex. Get informed and trust you deserve peace.

In conclusion the tapestry of life, weave a story of our feelings and emotions. Resilience, growth, and self-discovery are born through us being self-reflective.
Validating our own feelings and extending this validation to others forms the foundation upon which we build emotional well-being.
As we navigate life’s storms, let us remember that embracing our emotions and seeking validation from supportive people or those who have experienced similar is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our strength and willingness to nurture our authenticity.

Photo of Lorraine Nilon with a backdrop of a lady walking upstairs heading to an light opening- representing change from Lorraine Nilon's spiritual life coaching

Healing after narcissism requires support!

4 Best Personal Transformation Approach to Life!

4 minute read…What is the Best Personal Transformation Approach to Life?

Personal transformation is a profound and often challenging journey that shapes our identities and perspectives. In a recent podcast episode featuring an insightful conversation with Chris Thrall, the theme of personal transformation approach to life takes centre stage.

Chris Thrall, a seasoned adventurer and motivational speaker, encourages us to “Be proud of your experiences!”

Let’s delve into the essence of personal transformation, drawing inspiration from the wisdom shared.

Personal transformation is where individuals evolve emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It’s a process of positive change that often involves embracing new perspectives, learning from experiences, and developing a deeper understanding of oneself, ultimately leading to a more fulfilled and purposeful life. This also encompasses spirituality greatly.

Spirituality is a process of transformation, expanding our awareness of self, origins, and the world we experience. The stepping-stone of your evolutionary journey creates a unique path, and we must honour the past, present, and future of our soul’s journey.

Lady heading for a tunnel surrounded by butterflies. quote: the face of judgment, becomes a transformative act in itself. Lorraine Nilon

Best Personal Transformation start with the willingness to be honest!

These four best personal transformation approaches to life are a robust foundation for any evolving soul. They are reference points to aid the navigation of challenges, cultivation of resilience, and sustaining meaningful personal transformation.


  1. Understanding Personal Transformation Steps Is A Dynamic Process!


At its core, personal transformation is a dynamic and ongoing process that involves self-discovery, growth, and adaptation.

Self-discovery requires becoming aware of oneself, stripping away denial to truly see the true essence of our being.

Growth involves turning observations into actionable wisdom.

Adaptation is crucial, as there will be a temptation to revert to the familiar. Vigilantly nurturing ourselves is essential for the transformation to become our new normal.

Our personal journeys are multifaceted. We never know what is around the corner and life throws us the unexpected. Personal transformation isn’t a one-time event but a continuous evolution fuelled by life experiences, challenges, and the willingness to embrace change.

Accepting the dynamism of life enables us to be present and aware! Personal transformation steps occur as your self-awareness expands!


  1. Overcoming Self-Destructive Behaviour.


Personal transformations challenges us to address how we treat ourselves. It is essential for self-awareness to grow. Overcoming self-destructive thoughts and behaviors requires expanding self-awareness. This sounds simple but most of us don’t acknowledge the start of our self-destructive patterns only the result. The sooner we recognise our decisions trajectories, the quicker we can adapt and be the creator of change.  

Recognizing patterns leading to self-destruction and being truthful with ourselves is the source of resilience. This truthfulness becomes a beacon of hope, inspiring us to confront inner demons and emerge stronger on the other side.

Transformation requires understanding the reality of our experiences to create new, wisdom-driven life experiences.


  1. Accepting The Past: A Gateway To Personal Transformation.


Accepting the past as a learning experience is fundamental. Embracing our past, not as a collection of regrets but as a reservoir of invaluable lessons, is liberating.

Reframing the past as a classroom rather than a courtroom empowers us to grow and evolve. Acceptance without self-persecution becomes a transformative tool, enabling us to move forward with newfound wisdom, resilience, and an unwavering commitment to continual self-improvement.


  1. Embracing Vulnerability and Authenticity.


True personal transformation involves shedding layers of pretense and embracing vulnerability. Vulnerability is courage! It involves the deliberate act of shedding the protective armour that conceals our authentic selves. This process necessitates the embracement of self-honesty, a crucial step in allowing the armour to gradually dissipate.

In embracing vulnerability, we unlock the power to connect deeply with ourselves and others. Our self-honesty cultivates resilience, creating space to rejuvenate our relationship with authenticity.

The courage to be authentic, even in the face of judgment, becomes a transformative act in itself.


In Conclusion: “Be Proud of Your Experiences”: A Mantra for Empowerment.


Personal transformation is a multifaceted journey demanding self-reflection, resilience, and a willingness to embrace change. We can all embark on a journey of self-discovery, proudly owning our experiences and emerging stronger, wiser, and more authentic than ever before.

Chris Thrall’s empowering quote encapsulates the essence of the conversation, serving as a rallying cry for individuals to take pride in their unique journeys. This mantra fosters a sense of empowerment, encouraging individuals to reclaim their narratives and find strength in their resilience. Celebrate the transformative process, remembering that each step forward is a victory, and every experience, no matter how challenging, contributes to the tapestry of our personal growth.

If you enjoyed – 4 Best Personal Transformation Approach To Life – You’ll love the Spiritual Explorer podcast!



Photo of podcaster Chris Thrall and Lorraine Nilon. Talking about addiction and the best personal transformation insights!

“Be Proud of Your Experiences” Chris Thrall: A Mantra for Empowerment.


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Are You A Spiritual Explorer?

6 minute read… Published in SYL Magazine.

If one of these points resonates with you, triggers an internal knowing, makes you self-reflect, or is part of your own aspirations, you are a spiritual explorer.

  1. Are you willing to question everything?

Do you seek the truth and aspire to reconnect with your authenticity or the pacification of a desire to be special?

Soul searching is uncovering the truth; it can get messy and emotionally raw as you question why you feel the way you do, acknowledge the motives behind the things you do and expose what you have suppressed within, hidden under layers of camouflage.

Recognising the uniqueness of your soul and embracing your significance, occurs as you deal with how you have camouflaged the unresolved emotions that shield you from the truth of who you naturally are. As you recognise your resonance with truth, accept reality and respect the value of choice, you begin to appreciate life.

If it is an image of being special or spiritually elite you seek, you will miss the mark and could easily bypass doing the inner-work.

Exploring isn’t easy, but is always rewarding!

Pacifying a desire to use spirituality to hide from your internal reality; is like pitching a tent on a floating iceberg, with a campfire. You are only seeing what you want to see, filtered through a desire that is not based in reality. It might not be too difficult to get the fire started if you have brought your supply of firewood—established beliefs about spirituality, the image you want to portray and avoidance techniques—but keeping it going will be taxing and will get to the point of undeniable pretence.

Eventually, the fire is either going to be unreplenishable in that environment causing you to abandon your campsite, seeking another location to do it all over again, until you have a campsite that accommodates your beliefs and supports your denials.

Or you might abandon camping in a tent, swapping to a caravan—belief hopping.

Or it will leave you unable to exist in your tent, due to the melting ice—representing how the illusory spirituality chips away at your sense of self and can cause damage to your emotional and spiritual well-being.

When you realise you were not looking at reality, you can begin to learn how to be truthful with yourself. Instead of trying to create an alternate reality that does not feed your soul or rejuvenate a relationship with yourself, truth or others, you can begin to explore what does. You can begin to be present in whatever environment you find yourself in, exploring reality.

Your experiences create opportunities to recognise the flaws in your beliefs, images, illusions and denials. Instead of abandoning, you can begin to objectively observe and seek to understand what you feared questioning, examining and acknowledging. This is a stepping-stone to exploring what is meaningful through the exploration of what you have experienced.

Learning from all your experiences enables you to walk away from any event with greater awareness. Throughout the expedition of life, you experience learning and then expanding on what you’ve learnt; it is a continuous and exciting process.

If you are prepared to question everything, and seek to understand truth, regardless of whether you like the answer or not, you are ready to explore.

  1. Are you prepared to challenge and deal with your unresolved emotions, beliefs and fears?

Do you seek to justify or to understand what is unresolved within?

Every evolutionary journey involves soul-searching and truth-seeking because you will confront your unresolved emotions, embedded beliefs and fears. We are all on the journey of life, and some feel the internal yearning for it to become an evolutionary trail and tale.

The internal yearning grows stronger the more aware you become of the void within. The void you feel is a recognition of your separation from being aware and attuned to your soul. This includes authenticity, sense of being and your core essences, such as unconditional love, self-kindness and compassion. (24 keycore essences are explored in my books and courses.)

When you turn your attention to your soul, you will also awaken to the labyrinth of unconscious energyemotional baggagethat sustain your separation from the truth of your soul. Soul-searching is required; you have to work out what is of value to you and how to resolve why you have carried and sustained what is hidden in your baggage.

Soul-evolution is returning unconscious energy to consciousness. It is understanding, aligning and unifying with truth. As you do this, the walls of the emotional labyrinths crumble. At times it is a wall you have to climb, to understand each component. Others you’ll hit with a sledge-hammer and some have secret compartments attached, but as each wall crumbles it enables you to see further, unobstructed by self-distortions. Your perception changes, because you are aware of more and it changes the foundation you stand on.

When you seek to understand, you begin to take the filters off, which enables you to embrace what you discover, knowing it is a stepping-stone to resolution, recovery and evolution.

The evolutionary process requires contemplation about the purpose and consequences of your decisions; it is acknowledging the truth—as much as you are aware of at that time. It is also reflecting on our actions, and taking responsibility for

where you have been,
where you are now
and where you can choose to go.

When you seek to justify your unresolved emotions, you’ll forget the mission is to resolve and evolve; to be free of the emotional angst your suppressed emotions create. You will get caught defending what fortifies your emotional labyrinths. Instead of deconstructing, you’ll be the architect of your own wall construction, creating a prison out of your emotional labyrinth. This leads to denial of self-responsibility and soul-accountability.

If you are prepared to acknowledge the significance of self-responsibility and of being the caretaker of your soul, you are ready to explore.   

  1. Can you be a friend to yourself and accept truth as a friend?

 Are you willing to explore your relationship with yourself and truth or are you trying to control yourself and truth better?

The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Treat yourself like a friend (or how you would like your friends to treat you). Try to inspire yourself by being supportive, compassionate and good company to be around. It is important that you show yourself respect and acknowledge you are not your emotions; they are part of what you are experiencing.

Accept the path you have walked so far and acknowledge that you decide the direction you follow. You cannot control what is going to happen on the road ahead but you choose how you deal with what has or is occurring. You choose how you deal with yourself.

You are important,
even when you believe the world does not see you.

Truth is your friend, it guides you and as you accept it is always supporting your soul, you realise that it is you who could improve your relationship with truth. Truth-seeking is done with truth, it is not hiding, it is waiting for you to decide it is worthy of your attention.

Truth is not something to control, it is either accepted, denied or exploited. It asks nothing in return, just to be acknowledged and valued, because it knows every truth accepted, enables you to travel further down the evolutionary road.

Controlling yourself to what you believe, is different to taking truth by the hand and exploring the good, bad and sometimes ugly beliefs, fears and emotions you have carried and protected. Exploring is being in the arena of freewill, knowing you are responsible for the relationship you have with yourself (your soul), truth and others.

If you are prepared to be a good friend to truth and yourself, or to learn why you struggle to do so, you are ready to explore.

A definition of a friend might help you realise the importance of a friendship with yourself and truth. (Sourced from Urban Dictionary – by tangles10, April 28, 2010)

‘A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal.

A friend is someone who forgives you no matter what you do, and someone who tries to help you even when they don’t know how. A friend is someone who tells you if you’re being stupid, (unconscious, lost in denial or acting-out emotionally – just adding a bit to this), but who doesn’t make you feel stupid (worthless, not good enough or insignificant – just adding a bit more).

A friend is someone for whom you’re willing to change your opinions (explore new possibilities). A friend is someone you look forward to seeing and who looks forward to seeing you.

A friend is a partner, not a leader or a follower.

The word “friend” comes from Old English “frēond“, which is actually the present particle of “frēogan“, which means “to love” and “to honour”.’

You may be the friend you have been looking for?
When you realise truth is a friend, it makes the evolutionary journey easier.

Remember if one of these points resonates with you, triggered an internal knowing, made you self-reflect, or is part of your aspirations, you are a spiritual explorer. 

What is Truth-Seeking, Soul-Searching and Spiritual Exploring?

1.30 minute read… As truth-seekers, we are aware that we want to reconnect and embrace the truth of being souls. It stems from the aspiration to ‘know thy self’. This means to have an honest relationship with ourselves. Truth-seeking means our curiosity has been sparked and there is an internal thirst for knowledge that resonates with our inner being—soul. We want to reconnect with our authenticity and feel the meaningfulness of our existence.

It is not “finding ourselves”; it is recognising we are a soul, and that isn’t something we need to chase. It is accepting we aspire to understand the truth of who we are, knowing we have an opportunity to resolve what limits our self-perception and to evolve beyond those limitations.

A seeker applies effort to their curiosity. Curiosity enables us to explore, to be inquisitive so we can learn more about who we are. However, there are many pitfalls to be wary of, one is the pursuit to prove we are right in our beliefs. This is not curiosity and will leave us looking through distorted filters. Distortions create limitations and lead us to be selective in what we will acknowledge.

We often ignore everything we decide is an interference to our beliefs, leaving us oppressing our own awareness. We exert a lot of effort as we attempt to ensure what we don’t want to know remains hidden in our denial.

Truth-seekers are always confronted with their denial, and this is when the explorer within must step forward and take the reins. An explorer will acknowledge the unknown, and are prepared to travel through the unfamiliar, looking to discover what is there. A soul explorer removes filters and is willing to investigate—contemplate reality, through objective observation.

A spiritual explorer embraces their curiosity, and allows the yearning to discover and comprehend truth, to be the compass to their adventure.

An explorer recognises the importance of soul-searching, to carefully examine their thoughts, beliefs, words and feelings. It is being prepared to acknowledge the truth of our motives, reactions and how we interact with others and our life experiences.

All evolutionary journeys require us to seek, search and explore. This builds our self-awareness and fosters a healthy relationship with ourselves, life and others.

If your curiosity is sparked, you’ll enjoy – Are you a spiritual explorer? 

Feet-on-the-Ground Spirituality

4 minute read…

There are many pitfalls that often leave spiritual seekers, even those with the best intentions, to lose themselves to illusions. Illusions conjured by their desire to be spiritual, elite or an attempt to escape their internal turmoil. We have all fallen into them, and some are difficult to detect because they feed our spiritual ego.

It is important to recognise when we are spiritually bypassing our real issues and behaviours.

John Welwood, a Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist, in the early 1980s first coined the term spiritual bypassing – “the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to side-step or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds and unfinished development tasks.” This beautifully sums up what many do, often unintentionally and yet with conviction.

It is easy to become lost in denial, especially when we run an internal narrative that feeds the illusion of transcendence or transformation, before we have even identified the truth of our emotional selves.

When we fool ourselves with spiritual beliefs and practices, it becomes easier to oppose being truthful. Life has a way of revealing the truth to us, and all spiritual journeys are fraught with crossroads of decisions that basically come down to either:

  • Acknowledge the rawness of our truth, while being willing to explore the truth with an open mind. Get real about it.


  • Cling to the story we want to believe, while protectively deflecting any evidence that proves we don’t understand our truth. Create a distraction that ensures we don’t even look.

We do the latter by ignoring and justifying any behaviour that exposes what is unresolved within or is used to shield us from having to face our own reality.

Spiritual bypassing is telling ourselves what we want to hear to justify our denial of our reality. It is attempting to remain in a performance derived from a spiritual illusion, to not only avoid facing the reality of our emotional issues and behaviours, but to also feel in control of our suppression of them.

Spiritual by-passing: Ignoring the reality of yourself, while clinging to a spiritual belief or illusion that distracts you from being honest. Using spiritual concepts, words and beliefs to deny self-responsibility and soul-accountability. (Sourced from glossary of Spirituality, Evolution & Awakened Consciousness)

Feet-on-the-ground spirituality means the opposite of spiritual bypassing. It means to get real, face our emotional issues and behaviours with honest self-observations. It is being prepared to acknowledge the truth of our unconsciousness and do the work required to resolve it.

Doing the work means to be truthful, acknowledge the emotions, feel the reality of them, develop an understanding through self-reflection and contemplation. And then use that information – awareness, to apply a conscious response to what was once an unconscious aspect of ourselves.

Feet-on-the-ground spirituality is to be spiritual in reality,
not to create an alternate reality to be spiritual in.

When we acknowledge part of any spiritual journey is learning the truth of our emotional reality, we become willing to confront what we have suppressed and hidden within with self-compassion.

Life is a rise and fall from grace journey. We can be operating extremely authentically and then stumble and fall into embodying the unconsciousness of our soul – some refer to it as the shadow-side.

Feet-on-the-ground spirituality means we are willing, sometimes reluctantly, to recognise and take self-responsibility for the energy of our unconsciousness. Spirituality is knowing that we are souls, and when exposed to the truth of our own energy, we accept that there is an opportunity to learn from ourselves. This requires truthfulness, which we all know at times is difficult to muster, as we compete against all the embedded beliefs, fears and triggered emotions that cause us to fall from grace.

Fall from grace is operating separated from our soul’s consciousness – the divinity within, our authenticity. This is, in contrast, to rise with grace, which is to operate in unification with our soul’s consciousness and truth. Spirituality is the journey of creating unity within. Spiritual bypassing is sustaining the separation while believing there is no separation, and filling the void created with spiritual illusions and performances.

Grace stems from our acceptance that it is truth, in all its forms that will aid us to be honestly present, willing to objectively observe ourselves as we endeavour to discover the truth of who we are, as we resolve what oppresses our soul-awareness.

Spirituality is the recognition that there is a continuum to our souls, and life is a part of that journey. When we are willing to resolve what is unresolved within, which is to heal.

Resolving what burdens our soul, enables us to evolve beyond the limitations of our unconsciousness, because we will no longer carry the energy that burdens our soul.

Feet-on-the-ground spirituality is honouring the consciousness of who we naturally are and of our origins, by being prepared to face, learn from and deal with what impedes our relationship with truth. It is then the practice of being truthful, especially to ourselves about ourselves. Applying what we learn to our day-to-day existence. This improves our relationship with ourselves – our souls, truth and our origins. It also enables our consciousness to flow freely, expanding our awareness of truth. This is evolution.

Feet-on-the-ground spirituality is to be conscious of your soul journey,
seeking what nurtures your soul, while respecting that life and
all the messy emotional adventures are positioning you to
discover the present reality of yourself.

I believe if you took the time to continue to read this to the end, you seek to be spiritually authentic.

The True Value of Mateship

2 minute read…

Mateship is a privilege and a joy to have!  It is the next level up from friends, they are loved ones. These are the special people we allow and look for in our inner sanctum. Only the people in our lives that we have an intimate connection with have access to our inner sanctum. It is the people we unconditionally love, trust and are not afraid to share our deepest thoughts, feelings and concerns with. It is an unexplainable bond!

Mateship is a soul-to-soul connection. There is a knowing that when we are together, being in each other’s presence, makes us feel loved, supported and happy.

They are the friends that have our back and when others walk away and pretend not to notice our struggles they step forward and say “I’m here beside you.”

They don’t take control of our lives or attempt to dictate the conditions of the mateship ; they accept us for who we are and we accept them. They support us in our time of need and love to celebrate our achievements.

The happiness that comes from mateship is uplifting. To have a confidant who never judges you is priceless.

When a mate betrays us, they show us they were never a true mate, they were an imposter. We’ll meet imposters, and it will hurt like hell when we realise they didn’t value our love for them. Many of us have spent years believing they care about us as much as we have cared about them, only to discover when the conditions suit, they’ll take the opportunity to treacherously betray the value of our mateship . They’ll discard us or arrogantly believe that they could cross the lines held within the mateship code, hoping we’ll remain loyal to the belief that we are mates. Once the lines are crossed, and hurt is felt confusion reigns. When respect is gone so is the mateship. This only proves they devalue mateship, (not you, this behaviour should never be used as an assessment of your worth).

The ultimate criteria of mateship is trust; we love that we can trust them. Our mates are trustworthy and never intentionally hurt, betray or put us down. They are our champion and we are theirs. It is an honour to be considered a mate and with that comes the responsibility of honouring those who trust us.

There are people who don’t know how to be a valuable friend, they take but don’t give back. These people may fool us that they are mates, but their true colours will eventually override any illusion they’ve used to manipulate us.

It is empowering to follow the advice of Dr. Maya Angelou, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” This doesn’t mean we can’t give some grace; hiccups happen but don’t ignore who people are. Trusting what we witness can save us a lot of heartache further down the track. When we override self-respect to give the benefit of the doubt to someone we want to remain loyal to, we open ourselves up to manipulation. Mates don’t manipulate each other!

Make your decision of who you can trust by how you feel in their presence. Always take notice of their words and actions, and if they are not in sync, acknowledge that truth. If you find you’re making excuses for them, or apologising to others on their behalf, know it is time to walk away.

Your happiness is too valuable to be wasted on false mateships.

Your integrity is too valuable to be abused by those who do not value you.

Value your friendships and choose your mates wisely.

A true mate is one the greatest sources of happiness you’ll ever know.

Written by Lorraine Nilon





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Intuition – A brief overview

1 minute read…

We are all intuitive souls, we can feel, sense and hear truth. Our souls naturally resonate with truth, and intuition is the recognition of that resonance.

Intuition is an internal signal telling us to be aware of ourselves, take notice of reality and be open to exploring. Working with our intuition does not mean we always have the answers, but it does mean we are aware that there is a question. This can be the start of a beautiful adventure, one that your soul is aware of the possibilities but we may not recognise until in hindsight we see how the pieces fell together. When we trust we can feel our souls calling us in a direction. it requires us to back our own intuition-inner knowing.

Developed intuition is knowing when to value the significance of our internal feelings, and to trust our awareness.

Our intuition is a signal that it is time to be curious, observant and true to ourselves. When we acknowledge what we can internally feel we intuitively gain, or are in a process of gaining, insight and awareness.

Developing our intuition enables us to feel truth, which may not be all the truth. It could be a snippet or an awareness that something is out of alignment with truth. Intuition is recognising our awareness of energy; an internal knowing that we are responding to the frequency of truth, or reacting to the vibration of something that is out of kilter with truth.

Unfortunately, as we separate from the truth of who we naturally are, and the truth of our feelings, we make it difficult to trust what we feel, sense and internally know. This often leaves us overriding our own insight and awareness, and it not until hindsight kicks in that we realise the importance of what we had felt.

Empaths are highly sensitive to what they feel, sense and hear. The more they understand energy, the better they can work with and not against their own intuition. Empaths are highly intuitive but are often confused by their own awareness.